achagurl

Many people are asking why am I leaving my first job. The reason is very simple, I am NOT happy anymore. I know it is a lousy reason, very unprofessional indeed, but I do not care anymore of losing my reputation or being connoted as unprofessional, all i want now is to be happy. I may have disappointed many people and I should say I have disappointed myself either. I am not even sure if I will find the contentment and happiness on my next job, but I dont care now. I just want the way out of this pressure. I just want to let loose.

I remembered reading this article about college students who float around after graduation. I have decided till then that I will not be that kind of student. I will not suffer from twenty-something's miscarriages. I promised myself to pursue what I want, try so hard not to float, stand for my decisions and look for positive things on what life has to offer on my way.

However, things changed when I set foot on the real world of bosses and supervisors. I float. I wander. I should have quitted my job since the fourth week, but because I have this idealistic attitude of being optimistic, I stayed. I didnt want to disappoint other people, my family, friends and colleagues, and even myself. I thought if I accept the reality of unhappiness, I am a quitter. So I move on till the fifth and the sixth week, then, little by little, I started counting the clock, I started doing delaying tactics to kill the time, I started being irresponsible, incompetetive and unprofessional. Worst of all, I started feeling empty within.

One of my friends told me that I should not put limitations on myself. It means I should always strive for the better and never give up the job but I started taking it as I should not think of this job as my only option, this job is not my limitation, there is other job than this. You see, at the back of my mind I wasn't into this job anymore but at first, I pushed  the thought aside believing that if I entertain the thought of resigning, I have put limitations on myself, I am a loser and a quitter.

I also realized that pushing the thought of resigning was, in a way, an escape to start another fight. Since giving up on this job means another chapter of being unemployed, job hunting and self-finding. I know life after resigning was darker and steeper but I started seeing it as a better option and bigger challenge rather than seeing it as punishment on being a quitter.

I realized that dreaming of contentment on my first job is very very very unrealistic! I realized that my promise not to float after graduation is not my destiny.  I may not like it this way, but it is the truth. I should accept that I have to learn the dance of yuppies in a hard way (and I often called myself a dancer- what a shame!).

Even if this resignation that I am talking about is not yet officially signed by my supervisor, I remain firm on decision. Now- am I being childish? Maybe. But I dont care now so long as I step out of that trap and move on to whatever forrest will I be in- maybe next time will be a better forrest than this..

And I hope.. this will be the last time I will ever excuse myself about my resignation. (if ever there will be another person who will ask me about this, I will just refer them to this entry. ahihiihi)

Well then, goodbye to my first job. I just hope you'll activate the resignation faster. I am excited already to move out.